i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I die, sorry about rent.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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