ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
