I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I need a beard to bite.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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