I want you more than these girls want KFC
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
