I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
