I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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