I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Four minutes until I can fart!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Randomize
