just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
