Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
