are you still at the devil's house?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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