last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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