come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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