I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
