I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
