I need to stop coming to work sober
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
