so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
