That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
