when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
