a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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