He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
