Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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