I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
