I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
