there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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