Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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