well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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