Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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