if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
