Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
whose parrot is this?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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