Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
