Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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