I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
