Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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