My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
