you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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