Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
