trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
home. puking in laundry basket.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
As shirtless as possible
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Randomize
