does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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