Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
