It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
