Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
