this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
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