We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
