I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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