yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
