well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
