Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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