Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
