the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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