i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
