Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We have so much sex to catch up on
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
