In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
