Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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