I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
