white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
