the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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