Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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