Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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