do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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