Nicole vs. Life
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
