I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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