so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
