I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
