its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
