I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
